Bottom 5

1)   ryan adams -  there was a time when i'd have sold an organ to see him.  then he was so fucked up at so many shows, i eventually just decided to cut my losses.  there's only so many times you can watch someone fall off a stage.  but after almost 20 years, i was ready to give him another chance.  we lasted about 20 minutes.  close your eyes and it could have been a metal band.  fuck that generic american rawk shit.  especially when it noodles all over songs that used to be great

2)   having to leave conor oberst's set early to get to the front for cope

3)   alcoholic middle-aged angry dwarf woman repeatedly stumbling into me and shouting her head off at the front for cope

4)   bloke at the front who knew all the words to every saint etienne song ever but couldn't carry a tune in a bucket bellowing all those words into my left ear but clearly having such a purely joyous wonderful time that i didn't have the heart to tell him to fuck the fuck off

5)   the sound in that horrible fucking tent.  quiet and muddy in the middle at the front.  but somehow simultaneously leaking across the entire site to interrupt anyone quiet on any other stage

other than that, i mostly had a tremendously marvellous time

1.  Fecking chairs! Everywhere! Blocking the entrance to the Far Out Tent. Inside the FOT getting in the fecking way (along with those fecking trolleys). In serried ranks at the top of the Mountain stage hill preventing access for mere mortals who sit on their arses on the floor or stand. Taking up half the fecking Walled Garden so you couldn't get near the front unless you turned up half an hour early. Ban the fecking things please, at least from the Far Out.

2. Getting stung by a wasp just before the wonderful HftRR set. It was actually looking for mr ray.

3. Litter. come on, just come on. not good enough.

4. Future fecking Islands. I was back at the tent and it was fecking annoying there. Dull as dishwater, sub-War on Drugs derivative music and a bad imitation of Vic Reeves's pub singer vocals. I mean WTAF?

5. Missing stuff. Field Music particularly - kids to feed then the rain hit and couldn't get near the tent. Still hurts that my daughter got to see Kate Tempest too. I didn't.

Positives (of which there were far more) to follow.

i saw kras get stung by that wasp

brutal

and he wasn't doing any of the silly arm waving panicky stuff that usually gets people stung

just standing there talking to me

which, on reflection, may have been what the wasp was objecting to

it was more of a 'warning sting'

that wasp was trying to help you, kras

in the only way a wasp knows how

even if Field Music were shit (they really weren't), I'd have happily seen them.... 2nd time I have and the smiles alone lift spirits on a miserable weather day - they just enjoy playing so much - infectious.

 

I'm so with you on the chairs. I wholeheartedly concur on everything you said!   Can they not just have their own tent specifically for the friggin things & trolleys for when the weathers bad especially.  I get it.   I have children too & I understand why people need to sit down, yes it's tiring, festivals are tiring etc blah blah but to occupy whole swathes of tents, bar areas etc with big groups of people sat on them is just mind blowingly infuriating!! I was watching Copey at Far Out and was so pleased when they announced from stage that people should stand up and not sit on chairs otherwise they could get crushed etc. The family next to me where highly displeased & were in there only to get out of the rain.  I too gave up on several occassions at Walled Garden due to the chair problem - impossible.  Some kind person also decided to erect a chair on my hand whilst I was sat on the bank on my bit of plastic.  Grrr... 

marvellous

but if we want to discuss how good things were, there's a whole other thread for that

i'm trying to encourage people's negativity here

1. Missing Conor Oberst, Oh Sees, This is the Kit, Toby Hay and Lift To Experience through poor choices, weather and family stuff.

2. Gospelbeach - did nothing for me, thought they sounded like a seventies MoR band. And not in a good way.

3. CHAIRS! FFS!

4. Litter. What's all that about? Could try harder folks.

5. Fucking gig fucking talkers at the fucking front.

 

Had to move during Lambchop (actually had to move further away from the stage!) to escape fucking gig talkers. Announced loudly to Slugger junior that we would "move somewhere where we could listen to the band". Fucking gig talkers saw nothing unusual with this! 

The next day we'd settled in the Walled garden for Benedict Benjamin in what we thought was a gig-talker-free zone. Towards the end, Benedict's between song patter finished with a quip about Game of Thrones. Cue the group beside us starting a loud discussion on Game of Thrones throughout the rest of the gig!

Something needs to be done. I suggest undercover stewards in the crowd with cattle prods. 

I encountered a gig talker or two - two chaps who ran into each other just as big theif started stand out in particular. Less than last time for me though! 

Talkers at the front for Lambchop were awful. I think it was during the set that a guy near me (I was 3 or 4 rows from the front) answered his phone and did a Dom Joly style "HELLO?! HI! I'M RIGHT UP THE FRONT FOR LAMBCHOP! YEAH, LAMBCHOP! THE MAIN STAGE! RIGHT AT THE FRONT!"

A woman near the front for somebody else (can't remember who- might have been The Wave Pictures?) was not even facing the stage, talking all the way through and only stopped chatting at the end of each song, not to clap but to say "meh".

Given the near absence of any litter it seems a bit much to put it on the list! I barely saw a bin that was nearly full!

Not to say that litterers should not be bussed 2 miles away and made to walk back, accompanied a old woman in a habit, ringing a bell, and shouting SHAME. 

It was concentrated in the larger performance spaces, like in front of the Mountain Stage, becoming evident at the end of sets when the crowds dispersed.

Most of it was empty brought-in booze cans and bottles, some of it glass for goodness sake!

It struck me as being worse than previous years, conspicuous because I've never really noticed it much before this year.

Just thought it was worthy of comment because of that. 

The reuseable glasses work for those who buy their drinks at the bars but I suppose the temptation to drop an empty can or bottle is just too much for some lazy buggers.

 

i walked around with a pizza box for several minutes trying to find a recycling bin

gave up in the end and had to rubbish bin it

was there less recycling opportunity in evidence this year?

or was it just less obviously signed?

or was i just very drunk?

you can domestically

but you might be right that it's not possible on something like GM's scale

just seemed like the recycling options were less obvious generally this year

i did see some bins with 'plastic' written on the side

but they used to have much more visible signs above them, didn't they?

to make it easier for drunks like me to do the right thing

With my work hat on, I can tell you that attempting recycling of paper or card at any public event is a waste of everyone's time.

Inevitably lots of non fibre stuff (food/drink etc) gets in the bins as too many people are stupid, so the paper and card gets contaminated and is no longer any use for recycling as it is wet and covered in food. Plastic and cans are much easier as they can be cleaned and therefore still recycled.

 

... the chair situation at the bottom of the hill on the mountain stage and the blanket situation at the front of the walled garden was ridiculous at times - I dont understand how people can block established paths and then still get arsey when people dare to step over/brush past them to get to the front of the stages - have a bit of common sense!! Fortunately this always seemed to resolve itself mid-evening and the walled garden particularly was half empty most nights from what I saw.

Toilets for the walled garden - I assume we are meant to use the ones in babbling tongues but there definitely aren't enough there, I always ran up to the ones by Round the twist but it would be great if they could expand on the ones by babbling tongues or put some more around the area.

Not a major gripe but blimey how did they get that water pressure in the push taps - the queue of soggy crotched people waiting for the normal tap not warning the unsuspecting next victim always made me chuckle.

I thought the chair problem was less of an issue this year. Certainly I thought those in the WG picked themselves up ok when things got busy. And the space behind the sond desk in the FO seems to work, it is a shame that the outside screen has been lost tho. 

Was it just me or did things seem louder this year. FO and WG particualrly. Not a problem for me, but a bit of one for my friends who forgot the childs ear defenders. I doubt she would have kept them on tho, so. 

Re chairs, what did people thing of the Lanzac / Fatboy thing? We had one, but did not make all that much use of it. I'd certainly take it again, but I can imagine it getting annoying if they became 'walls' for others. 

The non-trough urinals were a winner, I thought. Less unpleasent certainly. Odd being opposite someone though, given the ettiquette of the gents... 

Organising the beer tent by brewery was genius, as was having Clwb Tropicana available. 

In short, I can barely muster one bad thing, let alone 5. 

favourite moment in those 'facing someone' loos

one bloke saying "well, i've never done this before"

and another replying "what?  had a piss?"

communal joy all round

something i generally try and avoid in a public lavatory - but on this one occasion...

as a newbie, can I add one thing: umbrellas at gigs?

No. and if you bring one, expect that it should be stuck somewhere it can never be found. And often seemed to be used by people wearing more goretex than a classful of sixth formers doing their DofE.

YES! THIRDED! And people having umbrellas up when it's not even been raining for the last 10 minutes seemed to happen a lot. 

Remarkably I suffered but a single gig-talker incident this year and that just required a move of a few meters sideways.

I thought the sound at all the stages was improved this with year, with the exception of the Far Out which was quite a bit worse for some reason.

Other that that, my only negative is not seeing more of you lovely people ... there were just too many musical delights to be squeezed in.

1) Gig fucking talkers. So many of them this year, more so than ever before. Whereas before I hardly ever had to worry about it at Green Man it now happens at just about every performance. One example of a group of women near the front of the Mountain Stage:

"So, is this Lambchop on now?"

"Yeah"

"Oh, I'm not bothered about seeing them"

*Carry on with their conversation*

GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!

I have a theory that this has become more prevalent since the V Festival went 'pop' and pissed up indie kids now see Green Man as the ideal replacement. But that's probably the miserable old music snob in me.

2) Hearing about the thefts from tents. Same happened last year and it's sad that it's become a problem at Green Man. 

3) Chairs and trolleys. I appreciate that part of Green Man's appeal is that it's family friendly but there has to be a better way of sorting things. Parents pulling those blue trolleys through a packed Mountain Stage late at night isn't fun for anybody.

4) Leaving on Sunday night. Even though we were staying offsite we parked in Blue and drove out after Saint Etienne on Sunday night. It was pitch black, wet and very muddy and yet there were no stewards, little lighting and one paper sign directing traffic out. We got out okay but considering the rain that fell on Sunday it needed better stewarding. I heard that Orange was even worse on Monday morning.

5) Discovering my waterproof jacket wasn't as waterproof as I thought during Conor Oberst.

Re the gig talking, i agree that it is one of the most annoying things going, but I don't think it was too bad this year or last, not overall. Obviously it happens and those people deserve scorn/verbal abuse, but it could be worse.

I didn't come to Green Man after 2011 until 2016 as that year was an absolute horror show of wankers talking loudly through almost every band we saw. It seemed the festival had a large number of people there because the guardian told them they should be rather than to see any of the bands - the last 2 years have not seemed like that at all, though some people are still inconsiderate knob jockeys.

lift to experience. dont think so. 

michael kiwanuka. Boring 

missing half of Conor oberst

methyl ethyl ( it's the hope that kills you). Nah

ryan Adams. Nope. With a capital nope

 

saturday night's programming was weak. imo

Don't need to waste screen space on to f&@£re fucking isl£@ds

the increasing % of punters- young, families, older couples....who now 'do' festivals because the media tell them to, rather than because they're obsessed with music, gigs, drugs, fun, booze and being there. they bring chairs. And trollies. And fucking talk. Usually in southern independent school accents. I'm wrong, I know, but loathing is a sweet curse.

 

My list.

1. Talkers, why on earth do they want to be right down the front and then talk most of the way through.  However, many seem to shut up when the band plays a song they know.

2. Chairs blocking the way, there was uproar last year when GM said there was a ban on chairs between the two sets of stairs on the main stage.  The reason is that a lot of people want to move quickly between stages, not to spend ages navigating through a sea of chairs and blankets and trolleys.  There is often plenty of space at the front of the far out stage but people do not realise because of chairs and people stood just under the marquee.

3. Umbrellas, just wear appropriate clothing.   I had my all weather trousers and rain jacket with hood - see it is not difficult to dress for the weather.  As soon as there was a drop of rain there are people putting up their umbrellas without caring about the poor sap stood right behind unable to see and getting wetter from the umbrella drips.  The worst thing though, is why to they then start waving them around to the music.   We want to try and see the stage, not a line of bobbing umbreallas.

4. Women urinals, ok it is great for men to have urinals and not have to queue, it is better for the portaloo queues generally. But in an age when we can send a man to the moon (look at the footage from the 1960's and 70's if you don't believe me) why can't we come up with a way to allow women to pee in a women only urinal.  I thought glastonbury had introduced something in the past.

5. Missing out on seeing the Oh Sees, St Etienne, Methyl Ethyl and many others due to band clashes (and Pictish Trail but because he clashed with the excellent and funny Bob Stanley/Pete Paphides pop quiz).

Now got that all that off my chest let's get back to remembering the many highlights of the weekend.

1. Mrs Wavey burning her hand by spilling a scalding hot cup of tea over it on Friday morning, meaning a visit to the medical tent was a particular low point, although as I noted to her, thats another tent we have now visited!

2. Talkers. Beginning to think my festival days are over, as I become more intolerant of others who couldnt give a toss about actually watching or listening to the bands FFS.

3. Prices seemed a bit higher this year. Most beersn ciders now £5 if not £5.50. Sure this is £1 higher than last year. Granted we didnt take any fodd / drink from home, but the weekend burnt a serious hole in my pocket.

4. Minor moan - the urinals near Babbling Tongues - great! Lack of hand sanitiser, not so!

5. Me getting older, meaning that even without caning the weekend to excess, I am still absolutely out on my feet by Sunday night. 

To avoid repeating the points above, I'll stick to just one: Arsholes who seem to think it's absolutely fine to barge you out of the way without so much as a by-your-leave or thank-you while trying to get closer to the stage than you, or worrying about whether there is any space for them, they clearly being more important than anyone else in the crowd. The aforementioned umbrellas being violently inserted up their fundaments would be too good for them.

 

One such arsehole manhandled me out of the way about 3/4 of the way through PJ and stood directly in front of me. 

As I suspected he wasn't much of a fan of PJ and after cheering over-enthusiastically he held up his phone to get the obligitory photo to prove he was there. Less than 5 minutes later the mega-fan had had enough and he barged out back the way he had come. 

... or maybe it was something to do with me serenading him with the words of 50 Ft Queenie "Bend over, Casanova .... ah come on measure me I'm 20 inches long ..." 

I am delighted more people are complaining about chairs this year. I have been banging on about it for years with little support. Hurray! Maybe gm will do something about it. 

Thought the chairs were less of a problem this time around. But talkers esp in the tent were not good at all. 

 

1. The main stage headliners - Future Islands - he seemed to be performing just for himself. Ryan Adams - I lasted a few seconds and legged it to the Walled Garden (knew nowt about Melt Yourself Down but loved them) but PJH rescued things.

2. Rain during Conor O - missed end due to one of the kids being soaked through. Was great up to that point mind.

3. Car park on Monday more stewards required.

4. Julia Jacklin getting the hook early - what went on there??

5. Missing The Shins due to still drying out after Conor

 

Bad stuff re tent thefts but still think it is the safest and friendly fest going.

Obviously many people need to sit down at a festival but sitting in the Far Out Tent, or anywhere near the front of the other stages is so obviously dangerous. I'm really pleased they made an announcement before Julian Cope asking people to stand up, they should maybe put messages on the screens or ask the MC in the Walled Garden to ask people not to sit down. The other thing I noticed was while the steps up from the Mountain Stage were kept clear, there were people sat near the bottom making it hard to actually navigate through to the bottom of the steps!

Chair-Gate! The thing with the chairs, trolleys etc its largely a stewarding issue imho.  In the past I've stewarded at that other festival beginning with G on the cabaret & circus tents...team leaders drill it into you to tell people in no uncertain terms to not block in any way using chairs as it is potentially dangerous - what happens if there's a fire, some sort of incident etc.  Some people lack common sense & they need to be told, but I appreciate this makes stewards into chair nazis if you pardon the expression & this goes against the grain of the feel of the festival.  However it needs to be addressed because polite notices on the banks of the Mountain stage etc don't work!! 

On another note re the bottom 5 - more sinks please in the camping fields as there were some staggeringly large queues at water points with people doing their washing up!! This would ease the flow at peak times.

One of the (many) great things about Green Man is that they do listen to and act upon these comments - hopefully we'll see a better chair policy next year (although falling short of chair nazis).

Yes to more sinks/taps and also to duckboards under said taps.

Tell you what I'm really missing it!

Struggle to find a bottom five as I had such a good time. Chairs etc in front of Mountain does seem to have got worse but much better in Far Out I thought. Was lucky with talkers, had to move once in Far Out but other than that no problems. Was tempted to introduce myself to Ray Rad while he was watching Michael Chapman but thought better of it :)

Weather was a bit of a downer on Sunday but fine on the whole.

Funniest moment was a lady at WG bar becoming very indignant because she had been served a 'flat' perry, "but it's always fizzy when I open a can". That'll be strongbow then...